One day into our medical center’s newly announced colleague appearance policy, nobody has yet approached my office with a steel wool soap pad to make any of the docs or medical assistants shine. My active white coat went into the laundry bin the day before, having inserted my left sleeve into a puddle of spilled coffee. The other two lab coats with hospital logo remain in their plastic protective coating, suitable for asphyxia if your face gets too close, where they have languished on a wire hanger for months following their last encounter with laundry detergent.
There is some legitimately divided opinion on whether doctors should wear neckties that serve as fomites, but mine typically have an inoffensive paisley or striped pattern that either coordinates visually with everything or with nothing. I have not seen an employee sporting a tattoo with a swastika or something offensive to the Prophet Muhammad so if they exist here at all, the skin artist complied with instructions to place them in normally clothed areas.
Now the medical center could have determined that my professional image as a representative of the hospital would be enhanced if I were taller. Our city’s world famous art museum has a medieval section which most likely has a room with instruments of torture. Their rack can be borrowed to enhance height. The hospital’s quality image might also be better if I carried a more impressive pen than the Bic Crystal obtained as a 10-pack at last summer’s back to school clearance. I think I still have a Levitra pen somewhere from the days when pharmaceutical representative generosity with company assets had less restraint than now. Push the button, release the spring, and the folded over pen goes boing, releasing the business end that is gripped for writing. Probably not the image that our medical center wants to convey, though probably not expressly prohibited either. Keep that tchotchke in storage a while longer until the antique road show comes to town, maybe.
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