It’s only been a week since we lost you, and I already miss you so very much. There are days when I feel like I’m OK, but there are nights I cry myself to sleep thinking of what life could have been for my second son or daughter.
Miscarriage: Losing a baby before reaching full term can be as devastating as losing a child at any age. My first experience with a child loss embodied itself in a child named Jared. He was an 8-year-old Michigan boy who fought cancer of the most aggressive kind, and he and his parents regularly attended our church. Our hometown community rallied with him by wearing shirts, and holding fundraisers. I remember seeing Jared at church one day, as he was the only 8 year old being cradled in his father’s arms. He was too weak to sit up on his own. The dark circles were apparent under his father’s eyes and the silent grief was clearly written on his face. Modern medicine can only do so much, and when it’s reached its limit, people begin to rely on their faith even more. The day he passed away, the entire community mourned, myself included. I never knew him or his family personally but I sensed their loss and their pain, but I never knew what it was like to lose a child.
My baby was eight weeks in utero when she or he had passed, but I found out two weeks later at a routine obstetrics appointment. How could I have carried this baby for two extra weeks and not know something was wrong? I was semi-nauseous, fatigued but noticed I no longer had cravings for white rice drenched in ranch dressing: my staple pregnancy indicator. This was no cause for alarm as my first pregnancy with my son two years ago, was very low key with minimal nausea, some fatigue and various cravings for odd food combinations.
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