A road trip from Georgia to New York was going splendid, dare I say, wonderful — catching up with old friends and family — when it took an unforeseen and slightly less desirable turn: I got admitted with a small bowel obstruction. Thanks to truly excellent care from a community hospital, I am home and now subjected to endless computer questions from my father that has me briefly contemplating readmission (just kidding).
I’m a hospitalist. What happens when a hospitalist gets hospitalized in a hospital? He amuses himself with some observations.
Quality of toilet paper matters in a patient with diarrhea. After a few wipes with standard hospital/Penn Station-grade toilet paper, I can only imagine my behind looked like a kid’s skinned knee when falling off his skateboard at 30 mph onto asphalt. I might have been better off wiping myself with glass shards.
Is there a distance record for projectile vomiting? I projectile vomited like a champ.
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